"You must not
take up science in high school", "What are you going to do when you
grow up?", "You better plan out your life, unless you want to waste
it!", "Go for something that is safe and has guaranteed results, life
is too short to be risked."
Right from a very
young age, all of us are bombarded with such advises. But do you think these
are just plain advises? This is how our minds understands all of this:
"Do not lead
you own way, do what everyone else does, simply because you are good for
nothing" , "Not knowing what to do is a bad thing", "If you
do not earn enough money or status, you have failed" , "Never try
something where you can fail, because if you do you certainly will."
As kids we grow up
believing all of this, although any of
this is hardly true.
But why do we end up
believing and doing what others think we must do? Because we do not know who we
are. We look for approval from friends and family and do what they think is
good or worthy. We believe if we do what everyone expects us to do they will like
us and this would be the proof that we are lovable, good or worthy. Stupid
isn't it? All this is subconscious so we do not notice ourselves while we act
like that but if you pay some attention it will be clear to you how we keep
trying to receive approval from everyone.
Here is the truth:
Every human is different and unique. Our DNAs may be 99.99% same but it still
holds a 0.001% variation and that enough to make a difference(there is no big
or small on the scale of the universe.) as I said everyone is different, all are
brought up in uniquely different ways, all go through uniquely different set of
events so this simply implies that all of us think in different ways. The way
we approach life and situations is different and so "the right thing to
do" in any given moment differs from individual to individual. To put it
straight, different people have different idea of "self-worth", but
the problem is most of us hardly know who we really are let alone discovering
our idea of self worth. So what to do? Like always we try talking a shortcut,
we copy others or end up doing what they believe is the good/right thing to do
(funny how everyone else is doing the same!) here is an example: You receive
your first salary and you want to celebrate with your girlfriend, she on the
other hand is a very generous person she asks you to donate a part of it to the
poor but you are in no mood to do so. Just to match her expectations you cancel
the movie you had planed and donate the same money, what you did was ignored
yourself to be liked by others. Now one must understand that none of the people
in the above example are wrong, its good to be generous and it is also fine if
you aren't but what you choose to do must be in line with what you believe.
Often while fulfilling expectations we end up into something that I like to
call a "should-cage".
Being trapped in a should-cage means finding
yourself doing things which you don't want to do, but you think you should do.
Have you taken major decisions of your life based on what you should be doing
rather than what you wanted to do?
I'll tell you about
one of my should-cage: I'm a second year college student. I really enjoy
studying physics but I believe college isn't my thing. I do not find it
fruitful to invest my time and energy into the way they teach me, I have my own
phase and style and being constantly poked on how I'm supposed to do things is
a real pain. So what must I do about it? Simple answer: Quit college. But hey,
slow down. Talking this major step requires me to go against a very strong notion that has been
rooted into the minds of people for a very long time i.e. You can't do
anything, seriously nothing without a college degree.
[India is full of
orthodox beliefs when it comes to education. Here people believe that if you
take up science in high school you are left with only two career choices, the
medical profession or engineering. If someone comes up with the idea of doing
research then he\she is certainly an idiot, while studying science for the fun
of it(something that I like to do) isn't even an option. Becoming a doctor is
an expensive deal unless your grades are fantastic, so most of the students end
up being engineers. India generates about 1.5 million engineers every year,
this is way too more than what this nation can provide employment for. But I
really wonder what these young people would have done\been if they just
followed the light within their hearts, instead they allowed the society to
dictate their choices, did what they should have done and not what they wanted.
Result of all this, lost direction in life! ]
Anyway, so we were
talking about "should-cages". Do you understand now how we place our
sense of worth on the "shoulds"?
I have placed my sense of worth on an college degree, allowing it to
define who I am, passing all my power and control to it. (Seriously got to fix it quickly!) Take a look into your
lives, are you into any should-cages? Doing something you don't want to still
finding hard to quit? If yes we must find a way to put back the power into our
on hands.
Discover
your Self-worth
The best way of
doing so is knowing yourself. I have just tapped into the process and there is
a long way to go, but its already so much fun. Knowing who you are includes
understanding the way you think and behave, getting to know what you like and
dislike, taking care of your needs and the list goes on. But just knowing isn't
enough, you have to love and respect yourself for all of this. Take up full
responsibility of who you are and be proud of it. I know it is easy said than
done, but with the right efforts we can get there. The more you begin to know
who you are the less you respond to the "shoulds". Your awareness of
yourself increases your self worth and you
no longer need to do what the world expects from you, because you are
already good enough! This fills you with a sense of freedom like none
other. You shift to a higher level of
existence where your life becomes a reflection of who you are and no longer remains
a collections of dead lifeless actions.
You free yourself from being a social-robot and transform into a true Human!
As I continue my
journey within, I encourage you to do the same. Take the leap towards your true
self and witness the greatness that lies within.
If you wish to share
anything the comment box awaits you. You can mail me if you like at
1.jerrfernandes@gmail.com
See you later with
some more humble wisdom, Stay amazing!
